My Cyanide and Happiness Ideas
by IcedFireFrenzy
Summary: These are my personal comic ideas based off of the web series. The very first story for this section! But seriously, they are both funny and crude, just like the real comics. If anyone is offended, I do apologize in advance.
1. Comics 1

_**Hi people, IcedFireFrenzy here with a new fanfic! I am creating comic ideas based off of the web comic series Cyanide and Happiness. They are original and crude, just like the web series.**_

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

A general and a few privates march through a training camp, chanting something rather traditional.

"I don't know what I've been told!" The general shouts as he marches.

"I don't know what I've been told!" The privates repeat.

"Seriously, what have I been told?" The general asks to his trainees, genuinely unsure.

* * *

"Hey Strobel," Mark asks his green-shirted friend.

"What?" Strobel replies, somewhat irked.

"I just got back from golfing and I got an Eagle!"

"Joyous. Lemme guess, you want me to see it?"

"All you have to turn around." Strobel turns around to see an eagle fly into the panel and land on his head, the bird clawing at it vigorously.

* * *

"Hey dude," a red-shirted fellow says to his yellow-shirted friend. "I just tapped that ass over there.

"I don't see anyone who has a tappable ass," the man in the yellow shirt says.

"No, I mean I just tapped that ass over there." The red-shirted man points to a donkey that is next to his friend. The donkey does nothing but stand there, though the friend is giving the red-shirted man an unamused look.

* * *

"Hey Rick!" Patrick, a green-shirted fellow says.

"Hey bro!" Rick, a grey-shirted man says back.

"Broham!"

"Broheim!"

"Brohemia!"

"Brosenplatt!"

"Brodecai!"

"Brodysseus!"

"What," Patrick somewhat asks in disbelief.

"I just made this the BRO-dyssey!" Rick announces, though he is now dressed in a toga. Patrick leaves the scene, giving his friend the finger. In the last panel, Patrick's hand is still shown, though Rick is shown with a frown and his head hanging low.

* * *

The first panel shows Sir Mix-A-Lot dancing with a bunch of chicks.

"Mah anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hun!"

The last panel shows an anaconda slithering around and the female dancers holding up hamburger and hot dog buns.

* * *

"Heaven," a jazz singer begins to sing. "I'm in Heaven." He is surrounded by blue skies and white clouds.

"No you're not," Jesus says to the singer.

* * *

_**If you are offended, I am sorry.**_


	2. Short 1

_**Hey guys!**_

_**I want to thank you guys so much for your support, your kind words, and a special thanks to MrJaffaJack for his follows and favorites!**_

_**But, I'm back with an idea: a short! It will be a small prequel to an official short from the guys behind Cyanide and Happiness, so I'll just say this now: I don't own certain ideas used or one main character, for they belong to the fabulous guys at Explosm (and DC) but the rest belongs to me.**_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**WARNING: Possible trigger moments due to planes.**_

* * *

It was a normal Tuesday in Cityopolis Park when everyone was enjoying themselves; the children were playing near the pond, the dogs were walked by their loving owners, and the birds were gathering by a gentle aging woman with a bag of bread crumbs. The Sun was out and shining and the clouds were the only other things occupying the sky, that is until a bird began to fly wildly and dangerously close to a plane that appeared out of nowhere. A young girl was the first to point out the impending situation.

"Hey mommy," she begins, pulling on her mother's sweater, "it's a bird!"

"It's a plane!" a jogging man points out as he continues to run.

"It's a bird flying into a plane!" another jogger shouts, stopping to see the spectacle unravel. The people began to watch the bird fly into the plane, not knowing that the poor albatross was nearly blind and looking for a mate. Screams and could be heard all over the park; even though the crash was miles away, the trauma couldn't have been any closer.

Meanwhile, at the site the plane crash, a man folds up his table and emerges from the plane, looking confident and happy. He saw the dead bodies surrounding him, but didn't feel anything but his adrenaline rising. Finally, he begins to crawl out completely and away from the plane, taking his time to stand up.

"Hi, Oi'm Ted Bear, and I'm gonna show you how to survive a plane crash!"

* * *

_**Okay, I know that this is not the best ending (and that this is incredibly short), but I tried; I sure as heck could do that much. I should probably stay away from **_**One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest**_** now.**_


	3. Comics 2: Meme Edition

_**Hey guys, I want to apologize for not updating earlier. However, to make up for it is a chapter based on some overdone memes. I hope you can forgive my slow and irregular updates.**_

_**Anyway, enjoy!**_

* * *

"Hey Nae-Nae!" a man in a blue shirt says, greeting his friend.

"I'd prefer it if you would call me Nancy," she deadpans, unimpressed with the nickname.

"Whatever," he dismisses with a wave. "Anyway, will you watch me, Nae-Nae?"

"Why? Wait where are you going with th-"

"Watch me WHIP!" he sings, taking out a whip and hitting her with it. When he sees her on the ground and not moving, he says, "Come on, I didn't hit you _that_ hard!

* * *

Two guys are sitting on a couch, watching TV. One is in a white shirt, eating an unidentified food in a tin can. The other is in a green shirt, getting peeved at the obnoxious sounds coming from his friend's chewing.

"Oh my god would you stop chewing like a fucking cow?!" the man in the green shirt snaps, turning his head sharply to his friend. "I mean, you're driving me nuts!"

"Am I driving you to _deez nuts_?" the friend replies slyly, holding out his can of food, which happened to be full of peanuts and cashews. He receives a death glare from the green-shirted man, and within a second the can flies from his hand into his face.

"I fucking hate you." The green-shirted friend turns back to the TV, leaving the white-shirted man stunned.

* * *

"Hey Shannon, I'm writing a haiku!" a teenaged girl says, running up to her friend.

"Good for you, Jen," he replies unenthusiastically.

"Wow, the happiness level is over 9,000. Anyway, would you like to hear it?"

"Um, sure, why not?"

"Okay, here I go, ahem:

_"I have a new friend._

_I think you'd like him. His name..._

_is JOHN CENA!"_ The instant she finishes her haiku, the infamous music begins to play bombastically, deafening Shannon.

"WHERE IS THE MUSIC COMING FROM?!" he shouts over the music, unable to determine the source.

"That's only for me to know," she replies calmly, winking at him.

"WHAT?"

* * *

"Dave!" a man in a red shirt shouts to a black-shirted male, who is looking at his dying houseplants.

"Ugh, what do you want, Mark?" the latter asks, heavily irritated.

"There's something I need to tell you, Dave."

"What?"

"WATER THOOOOOSE!" Dave glowers at Mark dangerously right before slapping him.

"They're plants, dumbass."

"I know that," Mark begins, holding his cheek, "but I didn't say 'What are those?' but rather, 'water those.' "

"They're the same thing," Dave says pointedly, not hearing the difference. Mark facepalms.

"Look, what I'm trying to say is that you need to water your plants; seriously, they're almost dead." Dave's eyebrows furrow for a moment, finally relaxing once he gets his friend's words.

"Oh, _water_ those!" Dave says in realization. However, his eyebrows furrow again when he connects the quote to Mark's pun. He pinches the bridge of his nose and says, "You need to stop with these puns."

Mark looks down in shame, rubs his arm, and replies, "Yeah, I know."


End file.
